an Older Male Lover
An Editorial
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Why Some Boys Want an Older Male Lover
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Some boys, due to circumstances or an excessive concern for traditional gender roles, are systematically starved for affection and particularly adult male affection. Even when this is not the case, a boy may have a keen desire for an adult male friend of his very own. They want a man who is not there to supervise them, someone less judgmental, who will listen to the concerns they don’t want to discuss with their fathers, to offer advice that can be taken or not, a person who will keep their confidences, a man who cares for them not because of a parental relationship but from choice.
Misconceptions
Women often make the point, rightly, that men do not understand female sexuality, at least not completely and often not well. The converse is equally true. Women do not fully understand male sexuality; although they may think that they do. In particular, they do not comprehend the sexuality of boys who are at or just beyond puberty.
In part, this is due to a conspiracy of boys, who pretend to be innocent when in the presence of adults and pretend to be foul in the company of peers. In part, this is due to a conspiracy of men, who pretend to be gentlemen in mixed company and otherwise pretend to be rakes. Furthermore, they pretend not to remember what they were like as boys, especially when speaking to their sons or other boys.
The Onset of Sexual Feelings
Puberty usually strikes earlier and harder than suspected, before anyone is aware of it except the boy himself. Boys often start masturbating to orgasm before they make semen. Change of voice, the presence of hair and of other such characteristics occur quite a bit later. They are the public announcement of what has already happened, not what is about to occur. By then, sexual feelings, ideas, fantasies and wishes are a potent force in the life of most boys.
It is hard to underestimate the power of these sexual feelings. Boys get erections far more often than males in their twenties. Many can and do achieve multiple orgasms daily. Most can have several orgasms in succession, although the latter ones may be dry. Some don’t do this, but most want to. It is their nature.
Sexual Options
Boys are sexually frustrated much of the time, particularly if they are in families that actively discourage masturbation. Privacy may be lacking as well. Most boys are discouraged from being sexually active with girls their own age and older girls are generally unavailable. They are seldom allowed to be alone with girls outside the family.
But they can be and often are alone with boys their own age. The boys go off together, finding places where they are not likely to be observed. These hiding places are much prized and are sometimes the setting for sexual activity of the parallel masturbation type. When only two boys are present the activity may involve touching each other to some degree. However, more often than not, they only think about it and wish they could, neither wanting to be the one to suggest it.
Many boys are afraid to engage in sexual activities with a boy their own age. They don’t want to get a reputation for being “queer.” The prospective partner may not be sufficiently trusted or the ability of a boy their own age to be discreet may be in doubt. There may be concerns about being vulnerable to threats of revelations. Nevertheless, some boys do find partners who are about the same age.
Older boys or young men may seem particularly desirable. They represent what the boy hopes to grow up to be like, just as a child may look up to a teenager. The greater physical power and experience may be all the more alluring because of the potential danger. Some boys have such relationships while others are concerned about possible demands for activities for which they aren’t ready or concerns that their own needs may be slighted.
Many boys feel particularly comfortable with a much older man, who may be “Fatherly” or even “Grand fatherly.” Older males tend to be more mellow in all aspects of their lives. Ambitions have been satisfied or modified. They are often more patient. Some find the peculiarities of the young to be amusing rather than problems to be corrected. They may be more sensitive to the needs of others. Some boys sense this and have a relationship with a much older man.
How Many Boys Have Such Relationships
The vast majority of these relationships are non abusive and never come to the attention of the courts or the newspapers. Because of the sex laws they remain hidden. Most of the boys involved are bisexual and grow up to marry and raise families of their own. They have no reason to reveal their youthful relationship and many reasons not to. They often remain friends with their former lover for the whole of the older man’s life, even though there may be little actual contact. Some of the boys are gay. Reports of their relationships can be found in literature and on the Internet.
Other gay boys, feeling themselves to be outcasts and horribly lonely, take their own lives, while the law keeps away the very men who would care for and love them. The incidence of suicide within this group is well documented. Unfortunately, there are legislators and officers of the law who view these boys as worthless trash. Whatever happens to those boys is little regarded by them in the pursuit of their official duties.
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Eagle and Cup Links
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